Sweet Memories

THOUGHTS from within

2009-09-10T19:28:00.000-07:00

The life of a person is never the same as the days move on different things happen. Some people would say forever but forever is a non existent theory that will never come true. I myself have often said I will be together with you forever and I have known for quite awhile now that it is just a wish of mine that only exists in my mind. Together??? Forever???

Realizing that we should live life to the fullest but not hurt people in the process has made me just a slight bit happier though there were alot of things that I have thought of doing. I am a person who gets attatched to people easily. The only thing that they need to do is be sweet to me and wahlah I am they're personal slave in the making. I have done alot of things in my life that I am not proud of but its things like that which makes me stronger in life. Learning from my mistakes in the process. Sometimes things dont work out my way but what can I do. NOTHING except not worry about it.

My friends has helped me throughout alot of things. For example during the time when I was DUMPED I had ashton and lollo to turn to and I love them both for being there for me especially ashton gah hahaha the times he had to run over just because I was crying... poor him. I was clinging on to nick so hard and for so long but now that I know we will never be more then what we are I have eased up and now I am happier. Getting to know other people along the way has made it more easier for me. People like Adrian who has managed to spice up my life by making it really funny. oohh speaking of farnie theres william tan. Gah I have never known anyone as funny as him. He and Nick should really start a webby show of their own. Im sure it would bea big hit.

I've asked myself countless of times is it worth hurting someone just to get what I want. I have recently come to a conclusion that it is not worth it. To get abit of happiness while another is crying in pain is not how I would want to live my life. People have often told me if u want something and I mean reallyreally want it, theres no stopping you from getting it but u see in life we dont always get what we want. We can always whine and groan over all the things that we can get but dont get but we gain some and we loose some. As long as we are happy with what we have and not think so much about other things. We will always be happy. Like my friends always call me a happy go lucky girl who has no care in the world. Well they are so wrong.

quote from adrian: with time and effort anything is possible!!!!!!

thoughts

2009-09-10T01:58:00.000-07:00

the worst thing a girl can do to another girl is to take their guy...... recently i was introduced to a really sweet and cute guy who seemed to love bein sugar sweet. I loved talking to him and still do. the next day I got the most interesting news in the world and that was he has a gf. hahaha imagine my surprise so I asked the guy who introed me to him why he did so and he said that he and the gf are very unstable so i can move in innitially I thought that it would be a good idea to do that but now that I think about it I wouldnt want any girl to do the same thing to me. I would be completely heartbroken and I know the feeling so bad choice. Ive decided that the best thing to do is just treat him as a friend an awsome friend btw hahaha and leave it at that. there are plenty more fish in the sea and well to get the right one takes patience.

NIGHTMARES!!!!!!

2009-08-31T01:30:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile since Ive posted anything. I guess its because Ive lost the writing touch. Well now I really need to write as I dont really know how to express myself anymore. Crying doesnt help, banging on things doesnt help and sreamin at other people sure as hell doesnt help either. Ive even tried talking to my dearest friends but its not working.

Well nick and I were actually happily together for a month and then it all went crashing down. I was dumped twice and when the 2nd time came it didnt get any better. I agreeed to be friends with him as that was what he wanted. I couldnt bear to dissapoint him which is so stupid of me. Initially I wanted to just give up and not pay any attention to him so that I cant forget him easier but I decided no to go with that plan. I loved him so much and I still love him. My friends told me to get over it and there are other guys out there but somehow I just cant let it go. Since the time he left me until now Ive been hanging with him, smsin him, and talking to him like normal. Sometimes I cant take the pressure and I crack but until now Im still holding on like normal though there are times like today when I would feel depressed.

Sometimes I think Im going psycho especially for the past few nights when Ive been having deadly nightmares of him having another girlfriend and leavin my sight completely. Its the worst nightmare yet and really nothing can beat this dream of mine. These dreams are really makin me get a short amount of sleep. My tempers getting short, Im cursing alot. Sometimes when Im around him I get emo or I just start to dream and Im not actually in a bad mood Im just feelin sad at that time. Sometimes I know that nobody will understand how Im feeling. The pain, the misery and the love all at the same time. I hate him for leaving me and I love him for gawd knows what reason. I feel like stranggling myself at times. Ive been with him alot lately trying to spend as much time as possible with him. I try to do as much as possible for him eventhough Ive given up all hopes of bein with him again.

Eventhough Im tired I help him with his pain, I try and be there when hes lonely, I even listen to him when he tells me not to do something as I really dont like it when hes angry. I hate that Im doing all this when I already know I will get nothing out of it. I dont know why Im so fucking stupid. I used to text him 24 hours a day to see how he is. Now I try not to if I can. Ive limited myself to 1 message per day. I wish the pain will just go away.
PS: someone pls tell me what the hell should I do.

singapore visit

2009-06-10T22:40:00.000-07:00

I was in singapore for 5 days I had loads of fun I did laods of things. The thing I did the most is shop... I shopped till I literally dropped it was so fun. All the clothes were bought from forever 21 and topshop. The main reason I went to singapore was to visit my dad and to take a look at colleges for me to enter next year.

Ive been wanting to enter a dance college and I get my chance to do that next year. The college I went to visit is LA SELLE college or arts. There is a 90% chance that I will be entering that college nexxt year I really hope I get in it would be so awsome. Fun and stressful but still fun. Loving life right now nicky is so wonderful though he has been really stressed for the last few days due to his VB he looks like a total zomby.

Tomoro onwards Ill get to spend more time with him and Ill even be going to watch him play futsal on saturday. Being with him has been an experience I appriciate eventhough we havent been together for long its like Ive been with him forever. Loving him is a thing I must do as often as I can actually not as often as I can but every second of the day every milisecond goodness Ive gone nuts. Basically its just everyday my sweet babyboy. weeeeeeeee

officially his

2009-05-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

I was made official with nicholas tan on the 27th of may at 12.30 a.m.

ahhhahahaha happy meee

Cheer it out!!!!

2009-05-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

This year I decided to try something new. I wanted to join the cheerleading team and since I suddenly decided not to join I am now training them. "Gasp" right... I know. Samantha training cheerleaders. hahaha I may nto have much experience with cheerleading but I do know what Im doing... most of the time XD. Actually thoughout the time I was training them I finally figured out what it feels like to be the coach. It's not easy. sometimes it gets so fustrating especially when they dont listen to you. I love them all as friends but when it comes to their practice I feel like strangling them arghhhhh. hahaha but nonetheless I still love them to bits. Now besides training the cheerleaders I have somehow been manipilated into joining the dodgeball team as well. "confused" oohh yah the cheer group is actually part of the dodgeball team as well. The team is called the ronins I think hahaha and the logo for the team is a bear. Well I tried to play dodgeball for the first time yesterday and it was so funny. It suddenly became a game of monkey. If you dont know what monkey is read below

EXPLAINATION: Well monkey is basically a game where a person stands in the middle while the others surround the monkey. everybody throws the ball to each other while the monkey tries to catch the ball when the monkey catches the ball the person who threw the ball last has to replace the monkey and the game goes on.

Eventhough its stressful to try and play the game ad train the cheergirls its actually quite fun for me as well. I get to learn new things while trying to teach. I get new experiences while training with them as well. So I actually cant complain that much hahaha.

Cheer: It's ok It's alright go ronins FIGHT!!! FIGHT!!! FIGHT!!!

Brandons burfday... (this is a late entry)

2009-05-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

I have either been really lazy for the past few days or just really busy hahaha Ive been so tired. Well on tuesday I had no classes but I purposely came to college to see brandys cute face and to wish him a happy burfday. I was glad that I came actually cause I had a blast with him. We had his birthday lunch in oneu. We drove there in the car there was wilson, ivan, bin han, brandy and me. When we reached oneu the people who were preparing his half surprise were still halfway preparing and so we had to stall brandy at the game arcade. He played the drums I still have no idea what its called and then we made him play the para-para dance machine. I keep forgetting to take pictures of everything eleh. Anywayz when brandon finished playing and wanted to go down they still were not quite ready so wilson decided to go to the toilet and brandy wanted to go to. OTW we met fiona and kenneth so we all walked to wong kok together. Wong kok is a restaurant where I have gone many... many... many times. thanks to my dear darling sabrina who just simply loves the place. When we walked in we saw that a few people were already waiting for us. Sabrina, charlson, maya and charlsons friend omg Im so sorry I forgot the name. sobbzzz. Soo all together there were sabrina, charlson, maya, charlsons friend, me, wilson, ivan, fiona, kenneth, ah lok, bin han, and later on came kelly, jolene and jeslyn. First we had loads of food and while we were eating we took lots of photos. The continuation of the story will come together with the photos muahahaha.

PS: there are alot of photos so not all of them are going to be here. The photos will all be featured on facebook.

This is brandons love for "lai cha"

This is the whole group of friends

Brandon decided to be nice and gave some "lai cha away"

It was a free gift from the restaurant and as brandon would say
brandon happy so sexy

Yumyum cake mangooooothis is the real cakeBrandon is trying to escape the evil clutches of sabrina muahahaha

OMG the evil clutches of sabrina

Its tradition for a person to take the candle out of the cake using his/ her mouth and when they try to a person stading behind them would smash the birthday girl/ boys head into the cake but for sabrina it's different if your face doesnt quite smashes to the cake she will take the cake and smash it into your face. EVIL BUTTERFLY.

fun day in the house

2009-05-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

Today I had a very interesting day. Well this morning at 9 am there was someone ringing the doorbell like non-stop and I did'nt know who it was and then suddenly I remembered shit the piano tuner was coming today, so I flung myself off the bed and went down to greet him and let him take apart my piano. So while I waited for him to finish I sat around the house doing nothing and then at about 10 I got really bored so I got a head start on my cooking hehehe. I know what you all are thinking samm??? cooking??? those words dont go together but actually it was quite fun. Well I had a special reason to do it. Today my wonderful friends sherene and jeslyn came over to accompany me until it was time to go for their event at KLCC. So in honour of their presense I decided to cook for them hahaha it was going to be the first time I cooked pasta.

So I went into the kitchen and got everything ready, all the pots and pans and stuff. btw I really should take photos from now on so I can place them into the blog argghhhhh hahaha. After I got all the things ready I suddenly realized my mum forgot to tell me how much water to put to cook the pasta so I stood there for like 5 mins trying to figure out how to do this. I finally decided Ill do my best and just wing it and surprisingly the pasta turned out fine. Before sherene and jeslyn came I told them to bring stomach pumps as a joke in case I give them food poisining but it turned out they didnt need it I did a good job doing the pasta and I managed to do it all by myself. Im self praising because its my first time cooking pasta without whinning to my mum.

After I got everything ready for them I went and took a shower and then I went down to get my own lunch ready... hard-boiled eggs mixed with mayo and put onto bread and butter yumyum. accompanied by some fish cakes making it overall a wonderful meal. After I was done I sat down to wait for them. They were late cause they got lost hahaha. When they finally reached the scene got really funny. sherene is afraid of dogs and because my darling sasha is very attracted to strangers she went and attacked sherene so she sat up on the couch and curled there for awhile and then when she finally decided to move they tried my bowl of pasta and surprisingly they said it was good ahahahaha.

When we were all nice and full we went to play the piano for awhile and then jeslyn started to itch. She had rashes since yesterday with unknown reasons so she got really stressed so I started making videos this is where it got interesting for us hahahaha. I switched on my itunes and let her blurt out her feelings and she just sang her heart out while me and sherene fooled around infront and behind the camera. She really looked so drunk and it was so fun. so this is overall what we did to have fun. A supposedly boring weekend for me turned out really great and Im so happy you guys came over.

this is a video of us being crazy...

outing with jeslyn and sherene...

2009-04-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

Our outing today was so fun... our soul purpose of going to oneu today was to go and get brandy the most suitable present we can think of ok so we started our journey to the place of wonders we call " oneu" I thin me and jeslyn scared sherene ahahaha we swtiched on the mama mia CD and we were singing at the top of our lungs all the way from KDU to the place of wonders.

So when we got there we were surprise to find that there was so much space to park for it was like lunch time and the place was supposed to be full so we were lucky. So when we got inside oneu sherene and jeslyn were hungry so they decided to go to MCD and me... little ol me was on my faithful diet so I didnt touch anything from MCD I am so proud of myself ahahahaha. So while they were eating we started talking and I told them a little about my bloody sad story of my first relationship and all that crap aahahahahahaha they were so interested and they got kinda sad for me awwwww so we kept on chatting and chatting then suddenly this guy passed by MCD and apparently his name is JASON and why do I know this. It's because our dear sherene had to go and say hi Jason. So we thought he would just walk by and not come back and he did walk by but we sat there for just a little too long and he came back in search for us. So he kinda like ignored us at first but after that he started to say hi and we totally sortta ignored him ahahaha.

We saw many interesting things in the place on wonders that would have suited brandon but we didnt know what to buy. After Jason finished his meal he came to tag along with us for our shopping trip and we were so hyper it would have been really franie just to watch us shop we kept trying to go into show and clothes shops but sherene wouldnt let us and when I smelled food sherene would pull me away from the corner of horrors ahahahahaha. Well we managed to get a list of things we wanted to get for brandon narrowing it down to just 4 items.

LIST

1) woodoo doll

2) shirt with cute words on it

3) cute clicky thingy from action city

4) fedora

So after we went around for awhile staring at things we suddenly went into this really cute shop that sells loads of hats and stuff... amongst it all we saw the cutest fedora that would wuit brandon just right and so we were like thinking long and hard. Should we get it for him or should we not should we get the woodoo doll for him???? lots of questionss popped into our heads but we still ended up buying the fedora. After paying for the fedora we went to another shop to get it wrapped and the store was just nearby we went in and there were two ladies there wrapping things and they looked like supremely happy people. I told one of the ladies that the present is for a guy and he likes cute stuff so she went all smiley on me and said ok she will get me the box I need and then I was so thinking teddy bear and then I was like all happy ahahahahaha. She managed to get us a teddy bear box and I was like hugging the box all the way to the car.

Before we left for college we still went roaming around summore and we also went kinda crazy. Jeslyn brought me to this shop to show me a watch and god was it pweeeeety. Sherene and I were like telling jeslyn what to buy and she was staring at all the watches and finally we narrowed it down to two choices and ehem the watches are so not cheap. they cost almost RM600 it's no freakin joke. She was staring at the two watches and since she didnt have any money with her she decided to come back another time and stare again so we finally went to the car and we drove back to college. On the way back we switched on the music to full blast again and we we're singing our little lungs out just to tune out Jason ahahaha Im so mean, and that was the end of our wonderful day. A day just for friends, where you can hang out and have fun together with nobody to disturb yah.

quote: you can achieve anything if you would just put your heart into it

diet time

2009-04-28T02:02:00.000-07:00

2 days ago I made a very important decision and well that is to loose some weight hehehe. My brother is also on this diet with me and this is going to be a one month thing. I have to loose 20 pounds before the 30th of may.

my current weight is 70 kg and th deal for me is... I have to loose 20 pounds before the end of may and I get all the benifits I want. For example I get a new hair do (I wanna reperm my hair hehehe) fully paid by my mum and my brother is getting me new set of ankle weights and so on. Ooh yah and my mum wants me to go with her for this modelling competition. excitedness!!!!!!

mostly this will benifit myself I'm determined to get to the victorian college of arts AKA vca so I have to loose weight to be able to become a dancer there hehehehehe. Im training hard now for my auditions to get into the uni. BIG thanks to Brandon and Sabrina my two dearest people for helping me get through this training. lurve yah guys loads...

quote: relationships come and go but friends are forever

cousins

2009-04-23T06:41:00.000-07:00

Cousins are like your own sisters or brothers. They get into fights with you, they take care of you. They love you to bits. You're happy when you're with them and you can be sad as well but you're still family people so live with it hehehehehe.

Poem for TAN YOKE LIN

When we were babies
We played till we dropped
When we were teenagers
We argued a lot
But through it all our love stays strong
We are cousins like sisters in fact
Nothing gets over our wall
Well struggle through it all
I still remember those times
When you came to my house
We sat on those swings
Gossiped a great deal
We could tell each other everything
Everything and anything
Now we’re all grown up
You’re 21 and I’m 20
We’re going our separate ways
For just the time being
Just to study for awhile
To make our life worth the while
But though we’re not together
We don’t forget
We are cousin’s best friends for life
Nothing can change that fact
Tan yoke lin you’re stuck with me for life......

quote: no pain no gain

Friends

2009-04-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

Friends,

How much do you care about your friends for me I care alot, the friends Ive made this year and mid last year has made me a happyhappy girl. Ive made loads of friends and I love you guys to bits but I made this poem specially for my darling sabby. She has endured all my nonsense, cared no end for me and made me a happyhappy girl. It may not be the best poem written but It will have to do for now hehehehehe.

We first met during orientation day
Side by side we worked all day
Smiling laughing all the way
We joked we laughed we made it through
One crazy day it was but I was with you
Many months has gone by
Our friendships still strong
Nothing makes me happier
Then screaming sabby through your door
We’ve been through a lot
Through these long months
Though I’ve been weird and sometimes annoying
You’ve ignored it all
I appreciate all the things you’ve done for me
Given me advice and talked me through my insanity
Sabs I appreciate you
You’re my one good friend
Thanks for being there I’ll never forget

Quote by Jamie: just have confidence in yourself and show it to the world...

fun day out

2009-04-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my last class was cancelled I dont know why but it was and it was a good thing me and sabs were screaming in her room as now I get to go see her get her makeover with her hair hahahahahhaa. The best part about the hair makeover is that it is free. It was for a friend of aileens. He needed people to use for his exam.

It was so fun first we went there and melody was almost done with her hair makeover and sabs sat down to get started asap. Her reaction towards the hair makeover was really farnie at first cause she didnt know what colour he was going to put on her head and when he said green and I forgot the other colour her whole face turned colour but in the end he tol her Im putting gold and red dont worry and she chillaxed.

We had loads of fun watching her sit there we made loads of noise. at first it was me, matt, nick, aileen, mel and sabs, then the bunch left leaving me, sabs and aileen then not long after brandy came hahahaha and the noise started all over again. So we made a boring time in the saloon into a funtastic time.

This shows that no matter what youre doing as long as youre with your friends a boring day can turn into one of the best days of your life and ooohhh yah the turnout of sabs hairdo OMG it was so awsome her hair looked great Im so jealous hahaha but Im so happy for you sabssss. She was so happy yesterday she looked like a glowing butterfly. Thats the end of a happyhappy day.

O.o

2009-04-19T01:04:00.000-07:00

Hey you guys,

I just decided to start this blog today as I was feeling like writing down how I feel and all that but couldnt find a very productive way of doing it. Like using a diary is what I used to do when I was young but now its just so boring to write so here I am blogging. hahaha now I'm into the blogging fad. Well basically as this is my first blog I have nothing really much to say and since I did'nt go out today I didnt do anything productive either all I did was shower my precious dog aka Sasha. This is actually a really good way to let go of my feelings. Let my wings spread wide and high into the sky. OMG I'm typing nonsense. hahahahaha well I'm sure in future loggings I will also type nonsense but its still fun anywayz.

Anywayz introduction time. The name is Samantha Khoo Kim Eng. I am known as Sam as so many people do not know how to pronounce my name. I am now studying at KDU college and I am HOPEFULLY finishing this year. Being in the dance group in college is great and we have had loads of fun times together, performing together, getting to know each other better and yadayadayada. It has increased my passion in dancing and I am now aiming to get into the victorian college of arts. Its a big dream that "will" come true for me. When people first get to know me they tend to think Im bitchy because I dont smile but that doesnt happen all the time hahaha. When people get to know me I am a fun loving girl who can be crazy and childish at times. My friends are important to me and I love them to bits if anyone mistreats them they'd better be ready for a big can of butt whooping. Being the oldest in the family can sometimes be hard as my mum would always say he is your brother and the lecture goes on and on and on. I truest people too easily and my dear Sabrina has told me so a million times but I havent got over that phase yet sorry Sabs I shall try harder. I have learnt the very hard way that love and bf's arent the most important thing in this world and I have been through loads of shit just to get this bit of information through my thick skull. My mum is always telling me " Sam youre a pretty girl if only youll loose weight then youll look great " but so far I dont listen to that statement and I still look like a round little teddy bear hahahahaha, but I am trying to loose a few pounds. I was lost when I was in high school, being made fun of and teased wasnt a great way to grow up but I got over it and now Im having a great life in college. Ive had it hard in college and failed miserably many times but Im now trying my best to make up for it. Retaking all the failed subjects and hoping Ill get my ass outta here by this year. I guess thats it for now Im too sleepy to get anything else outta my head. Anywayz to end this piece Im giving a little quote by my mum.

QUOTE: If theres a will theres always a way.